now that letter writer from prison got really out of hand..  i had to completely stop reading his letters becuz one of them was detailed about our meeting, his beating me to a bloody pulp, making me dig my own grave, his raping me and then burying me..  becuz i haven't responded to any of his letters..  

i freaked out when i read that letter..  i'm still not sure what to do since a possible backlash on me could happen..  most of the hardened types have "friends" on the outside who could come after you..  and that is a fact..

for now, i'm just not reading his letters anymore so that i can not consciously worry about this..  but of course that's something you can't forget..  i'm wanting to handle this anonymously with the prison so that he doesn't know i said something..  but i don't trust the prison enough that they would handle it without endangering me further..  and apparently i'm not the only one he's writing some strange weird bizarre letters to..  something needs to be done but i'm still not sure what..

on the upside of this..  due to those scary letters.. it triggered a pretty frightening dream that helped me get over my writers block on the writing project i was working on..    the dream was pretty scary about my surrendering to a psycho stalker so that others wouldn't be hurt..  granted the dream wasn't the upside..  the inspiration for the writing was..  i finished writing my story.. and now onto the fine tuning of it and sent it to a few people for their honest opinions on what needs to be fixed on it..

and then in my lots of spare time in between work..  i've been watching one of my xmas presents i received..  a 4 or 5 dvd set of 50 HORROR CLASSICS..  there's movies on both sides of the discs and they've been ranging from 30s to 80s types of horror movies..  it's been lots of fun to watch to help me mush my brain from the horrors of my life..  LOL!!

i sometimes feel like FADE TO BLACK(1980)..  which i saw recently..  a poor schmuck just can't get a break and finds his solace in watching classic movies..  then ends up killing people dressed as his favorite characters from those movies..  of course i'm not gonna do that part, the killing part..  but it is sometimes fun to think about..  

have you ever wondered if your life felt like a movie?  

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i don't know how to handle being a object of desparate lust for prisoners..  they don't have my picture or anything.. they've made up their own images of what i look like..  i feel a bit flattered that my radio show has affected such a large populus, but at the same time it's pretty scary too..

one prisoner is sending me FAT envelopes of lots of letters, mostly of him giving me his background and trying to convince me that he is an ok guy..  but he is in the maximum security part of the hardcore convicts, you know..  murderers, rapists, uncontrollable violent kind of prisoners..   and also in these letters was a really twisted and sick sexual fantasy letter of us hooking up..   it is some freaky stuff..  and i ask myself why do i even bother reading them?  i don't know other than it is sort of flattering that someone would "want" you..  but on the other hand..  it's freaky too becuz he is a violent prisoner..

my show seems to attract the "freaks" in the towns..  and i was warned that by doing my show, i could be bringing them out.. 

but good girls don't make history..  LOL!!  

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i must be so goth.. that when Halloween is over.. i am in bed.. sick.. like i have the flu or something..

i feel so tired and even sore.. i'm sure from all the standing and then squatting constantly to give candy out to the kids.. most of the night..

so my legs are sore.. and i feel run down..

it's amazing that the day after Halloween affects me in such a way.. like i'm in mourning that Halloween is done for this year..

you know you're really Goth when you are affected in such a way..

or i'm just a nutcase.. LOL!

but then..  we already knew that..  

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Betty Crocker i sure ain't..

i'm tring to make a pumpkin mousse from my sister's recipe.. and in a blender.. and the blender can't really handle much stuff in it.. and so while it's blending.. i'm sort of mixing and pushing it towards the blades.. it's such a mess.. and my spoon keeps hitting the blades.. i hope there's no metal chips in there..  i called my sister to ask her how she mixed it.. and she said that she had used a wire wisk..  geez..  i could have mixed it better if i knew that.. 

i fiddled with it for almost 45 mins.. and i figured it was as mixed as it was gonna get.. and it tasted pretty good.. so why mess with it anymore.. i just put it in the fridge to chill.. cuz i'm taking it to a halloween potluck at the engraving store.. we're having a little halloween party before the trick or treaters come to the mall..

every Halloween.. the mall sponsors a trick or treat event for the kids.. all the stores in the mall give out candies to the kids dressed in costumes.. and my boss from the engraving store likes to have me down there to give out candy dressed up scary..

sometimes the kids won't come to his store becuz i'm too scary looking.. LOL!!

plus i luv to scare them.. just by looking at them.. Muahahahahaha..

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can you feel it now?  the magicks are intensifying as Halloween grows closer..

and everything is going well..  my worries are gone.. my thoughts are very giddy as Halloween is drawing closer..  

i have 2 cauldrons full of candy..  a small one i'm taking with me to the mall..  to my friend's store..  the mall is sponsoring a trick or treat night for the kids on Halloween..  all the stores are gonna give out candy..  but my friend likes me to dress up scary and pass out the candies..  sometimes.. the kids won't even come to his store becuz of me..  LOL!!

the larger cauldron is for my house..  for a short time i'll be passing out candies..  if the kids don't drop dead from fright..  i have spooky light for my outside light..  it's red..  and i'll be having my little stereo setup in the window playing scary musics..  i luv to see the look of fear on their faces..  muahaha...

i spent a total of like $50 on candy..  it's worth it..  i luv to see all the different costumes on the kids as they come to the door..  and just to know that i'm making them happy with offerings of candy..  it warms my heart..

and then i have to race up to my other friend's radio show on Halloween..  i helped co-ordinate his Halloween show...  i got a local storyteller to tell some scary stories..  i have Demonika.. from Demonika & The Darklings coming up to chat a bit about their new album and tour..  and her producer will be there too..  and in between all that ..  Buck will be playing some Halloweeny music..  it's gonna be a blast!!

tune in if you can..  or if you're gonna be home..  Halloween night..  10pm - Midnight(PST)

http://www.khsu.org...

click on the listen live button!  you will be entertained..  that's for sure..  Muahahahaha..

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it's now only a matter of days..  Halloween will soon be here!!!

i've been experimenting with different types of makeup for my costume this year..  i'm gonna be a hot but creepy vampiress!!

i got my friend who is a dental assistant to fit my fang caps to my teeth so that i will be able to talk better with them.. 

this saturday night.. another friend of mine is throwing a Halloween party!!  and for once, i get to stay the whole time and not have to leave..  i usually had to go do my radio show before midnight..  and so i would only be at the party for like 3 hours or so..  not really enough time to party..

this year i don't have to go anywhere..  but my sister isn't here to come with me..  she's bummed that she can't be here..  but i get to stay the whole party time this time..! 

we're decorating Lynnie's apartment tomorrow night.. i might be missing that cuz i have to work..  and those times are usually of drinking and decorating.. and eating..  fun times for the girls!  LOL!!!

oh how i wish that it could be Halloween everyday!!!!

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i am a nut when it comes to Halloween..  and everyone who knows me.. knows that..  

it's kind of a bad compulsion to buy Halloween stuff that you really don't need..  but what a cool collection to have..  i just got back from Walgreens..  who has their Halloween gear out..  and their Halloweeny plastic goblets and mugs which are 99cents..  i couldn't resist buying some..  on Halloween night.. i'm gonna be a guest on a friend's radio show..  and i thought that i could bring some red liquid and those goblets to share with all of those who will be there too..  kind of our own impromptu spooky party, since i know that those attending will be dressed in costumes still..  definitely including me!

and for my front door..  i found the spookiest tombstone that i'm gonna hang..  my neighbors are showing me up..  and i'm not wanting to be left out..  and plus they know what a weirdo i am about Halloween..  it would be weird if i didn't decorate..

my life has been pretty good as of late..  no real complaints..  just working one job at the radio station..  but lots of hours due to me being the only board op.. and i've been training a new guy too..  and since he's a college student who has his own band and works at the campus radio station..  he doesn't seem to have much time for a real job..  but that's not my concern..  this is my last month working..  and it's up to my bosses to get me people to train before i go..

this October is a most magickal month for me..  i've been feeling good healthwise..  and even smiling more than usual..  which is unusual for me..  Goths don't always smile..  but then i'm not the usual Goth..  this is definitely my time for good things to happen for me..  and i've been on a transformation path on improving my life..  which all started with my health..  getting a new eating style..  weekly mineral bodywraps to help me lose weight and detox my toxic insides..  which now have pretty much detoxed..  it's been almost 4 months for the bodywraps..  and for now i've seemed to have plateued on my weight loss..  and so i was told to step up my exercising..  20 mins on the treadmill a day to keep the cardio active and push my metabolism to kick off some more weight..

but this month..  things just seem lots better for me..  the magick is strong in the air..  helping me on my path..

October is my favorite month!

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according to my countdown clock on my page..  it's 37 days left til HALLOWEEN!!!!

it's such a magickal day for me..  it's hard to describe..  just something in the air that you can feel that stirs inside of you..  you can practically touch it on that day..  and then the Night..  you can feel almost everything..  like the barrier from reality and unreality is down completely..

anything can happen on that night..  and that's when i hear the Night calling me..  it's not necessarily a voice that i hear..  but it's more a magnetic pulling me out into the Night..  and that i'm protected and safe from harm..

i wish.. that if i had the Power..  i would keep it Halloween all the time..  becuz i love the feeling that day and night brings to me..  

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