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All the things I should have said
at the time, they were
nothing but words inside my head
Empty words to most of you
then again, it really
just depends on your point of view
You used me up and left me for dead
little did you know
of the words I was fed
Words can be passionate, strong, and true
however, they're probably
just empty words to you
I can hide the fear and pain
let it slip from my face
maintain my features
in a smile I cannot feel
I can deny that I'm lonely
with a cheerful voice
that is not my own
I can pretend
like I walk in sunshine
though in the shadows I stay
and yearn to follow those
who walk freely in the dark
I don't fear the dark
rather it calls to me
a lover's whisper
calling to me on the wind
I have no one to walk with
so I keep to the shadows
waiting for the one
who can free me completely
the one who can set me free
to see what I wish to see
feel what I wish to feel
know what I wish to know
and be who I need to be
In this Shadowed Realm I wait,
not fully of the dark and
yet not walking in the light
I wait as I hear footsteps,
coming ever closer
yet they stop before reaching me
I turn and see nothing,
but I know he is there
I can feel him
Does he want for me,
as I need for him?
I know not his answer
I wait for him to speak,
and tremble at my need
to hear his words
I wait for him to reject me,
and send me on my way
so I stand in silence
Instead I hear a whisper
almost silent on the wind
that says "Come to me"
I walk into the dark,
though I am afraid
and my heart quakes
Will he stay with me,
or leave me on this path
to wander alone in the dark?
I know not the answers
to any question save one,
Do I want this?
I want to be me, I need
to be wanted......
so the answer is Yes
I will take this chance,
and hope that he
may do the same
I am slowly dying
swept along like the wind
in this endless solitude
In a place I love so much
my spirit longs to soar
yet I can't let go
Forced to wander down this lonely path
I walk the razor's edge of sanity
always in the shadows
There are things in me that are damaged
broken, I think, beyond repair
dreams crushed and no longer breathing
Stuck in this shadowed realm
I keep going
always wondering where it will end
I am not worth saving
my spirit's flames slowly fade
until only cold ashes will one day remain
Emotions, some long forgotten
scream through my mind
yet I am silent
All that is forgotten
is all that I am
until I will one day be no more
Release would be a mercy
yet I linger here day by day
not daring to hope
Unable to feel
locked inside my head
I will let it take me
There is no one to miss me
for there is no one that knows who I am
so none can stop me
I can't go yet
the solitude is not quite complete
but it is close
I try to breath
but the air denies me
until I am gasping
There is an infinite sadness
I carry with me
that no one sees
I try to drop the veil
to show who I am
but we all only see what we want to
I know not what others see
when they look at me
but I doubt it is real
Illusions are part of our reality
we all wear masks
pretending to be that which we are not
My mask has cracked
and there is only my true face
left to face the world with no protection
I silently await my fate
no longer trying to stop
that which has already begun
One day I will find release
until that day comes
I simply remain
An empty shell
of what could have been
without a chance of being reanimated
Love might have saved me once
but it was not love I recieved
though it was love I freely gave
The night is my companion
solitude my only friend
darkness shall be my final release
I drift in the silence
waiting on one
who may set me free
What will happen
if I just let things go
and take them as they come?
Don't push, want, need,
hope, or dream,
and just be?
I don't know which way is up
which way is down
or anything in between
I know that I hang on
by a fragile grasp
on an even more fragile web
A web made up of dreams,
hopes, lies, and unreality
they are all mine to bear
The dreams and hopes
have little substance anymore
so many have been crushed
The lies are the ones I tell myself
the unreality the one I live
day to day as I try to find my way
Losing faith in people
in society, in the world
hour by hour, minute to minute
I say what I mean
and mean what I say
how many of you can say the same?
I wear my heart and emotions
on my sleeve, though it hurts
I can't be any other way
One day there may come
someone who understands
and won't take advantage of the fact that I'm easy to read
Am I naive? Why can I not see
what others will do to me?
Why can't I see they don't care?
Wanted, Needed, Loved
Adored, these things I'm not
but it's my own fault
Giving myself to those who don't,
can't, or won't care
makes me grow colder
I can't continue sleep walking
through this life
I have to live
I have to Feel, See,
Hear, Experience
everything I can
I only have this one chance
in this life time
to be me
I await you
Love me, Need me, Want me
Free me, Kiss me, Kill me
Free my heart
Awaken me
Take my soul
Set me free
Touch me as if I'm the only one that matters
Love me to death
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Running
Posted On 08/24/2007 14:02:48
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Fillin' my time
wondering where you've gone
You can run if you need to
I'll be here in the end
Scared of this?
Yeah me too
When you get ready to stop running
and face the possibilities
I'll be here
Us together - way too comfortable
neither of us know why
Wonder where it's going?
so do I
Hearts beat
breath to breath
Bodies intertwined
passions rise
Such a risk
to take yet again
Willing to take that chance?
I am, are you?
Do you dare?
I do, but then
I'm not the one running
To sit with you in silence
is a harbor from the chaos
Quietly side by side
drinking in the solace
A gentle touch from you
and no words are needed
I feel it all
everything in your touch
I glance at you
catch you watching me
and get lost in your eyes
Time seems to stop
I see the smile start at the corner of your lips
and I can't stop the smile that I return
When you kiss me
the rest of the world ceases to exist
I can simply close my eyes
and just be
Be with you, close to you
everything else fades away
There's no loneliness, no pain
no sadness, just me
And you.....
Walking.....even the sounds of my footsteps are muted
The stone walls are smooth beneath my hands
No ridges that point to a hidden way out
Twists and turns around corners hidden
To emerge back where I started
Faint sounds reach me
Mocking laughter at my dilemma
I am lost, hopelessly confused
In this maze of my mind
I stop, trying to breathe
But feeling so hollow inside
As if each breath I take
Could fill me up
Until I float away
But that's impossible
Isn't it?
I raise my head Locked inside without the key
And no sense of direction to guide me
Dark corners I stay away from
I know not what they hold
But I know it isn't good
Are they fragmented memories?
Things long lost and forgotten
Locked away in the spider webs
Of the catacombs in my mind
Listening to the silence
Wondering which way to try next
Failing to find an answer
So I sit
And wait
I can't see why
things always turn out this way
no matter what I do
There is a part of me that's broken
but no one sees, no one wants to see
they think I've got it made
If they only knew of
the darkness inside my mind
that mirrors that growing in my soul
I'm fucked up
in a way that no one understands
I try to fight it, but grow tired of the struggle
I no longer wait for someone
to lead me through the darkness
I can't wait anymore
I've set off down a path
not knowing where it goes
but determined to follow it through
Some may say I'm fake
there's no way I can be this messed up
cause I don't look the part
I've been called a chameleon
so many "looks" I've had in the past
the dark gypsy is all that is me
It's all I can ever be
I am only me
though I make no claims of being perfect
most seem to think I look for perfection
Perfection is such a waste, it's an idea
my twisted mind just can't comprehend
my twisted soul doesn't want it
I crave something wild and free
something that's not afraid of the dark
and not afraid of me, twisted as I am
There are more corners in my mind
as of yet unexplored
because I'm afraid of what I'll find
I wish someone could save me
I think I'm past the point of saving myself
maybe I'm not worth saving
I can't breathe, I can't see
I can't move, I am numb
I bleed just to know I'm still alive
The scars I carry were healed
but now, they threaten to come undone
as my mind has come undone
I no longer struggle
instead I embrace this darkness
and let it cover me
Until the pain is gone
before the end of it all
I wish someone could see
me...........
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