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Where does the time go?  I often think of my younger days and all the friends I used to have.  I wonder whatever happened to them, and then I wonder what ever happened to ME!  There are those key people you can look back and know they played a major role in your life.  At the time, you don't think you'll ever live life without them, but then one day you wake up and realize they are gone and you haven't talked to them in years.  I recently reconnected with 2 people, who at one time in my life, I couldn't have lived without.  I never really had family, so no one was ever there for me until I met some key people in my 20s who did stuff for me that I could never repay.  The stuff family should do, but didn't.  These people were not my family, yet they helped me through thick and thin.  Being a single mom on a limited income was tough, and without these "friends," I could not have made it.  One friend, Carl, I met through his son, who I worked with.  We were only 21 when Carl's son was shot and became a quadriplegic.  Through that time, I became very close with Carl and he treated me like a daughter, paid for meals, let me do my laundry at his house, fixed my car when it broke down, and never did he ask for a single thing in return.  We lost touch one day 10 years ago, and I always wondered what happened to him.  I recently came across a memorial website about the death of his son 4 years ago.  It really saddened me to know his son died after all the drama they went through over that senseless shooting.  I found him through that website and have been talking to him again.  The other old friend is Rio.  Again, I met him downtown KC when I was 20.  He took me under his wing, showed me how to make money in business, rescuing me from poverty, did countless favors for me, and constantly reminded me I was worthy and didn't need crappy men or my crappy parents' approval to be something in this world.  I also lost touch with him 10 years ago, and just recently found him again.  We talked for 3 hours and it was just like old times!  HA!  He still plays in a band (yes, my old vice, hanging out with bands) and I almost felt young again listening to him talk the biz.  Anyway, I'm not sure what I'm trying to say here, except keep the few real friends you have near and dear.  In those days, I really didn't realize just how much they did for me until they were gone.  I was so busy clawing my way through life, and griping about not having parents/family to help, that I didn't see what God had put in front of my eyes....good friends to soften the way and provide the things I couldn't do for myself.  I love them to this day and cherish all the things they did for me and my kid at a time I could barely take care of myself.  I was very sick, but that is another story and another blog for another day.  So, hold on to those friends people!  Here's a pic of Rio on his bike in all his glory!  Love you dear friend.....

I have to say in a world where God has become a dirty word, or confessing to be a Christian is grounds for a lashing, I have found the people of Sinister Space to be most tolerant and supportive of any place I've been (real life or internet). I was a little hesitant at first to speak of my Christian beliefs in a place where the darker side is celebrated and the majority of members are non-Christian, but every time I have spoken of God or Christianity, it has been met with tolerance, support, and kind words. It is VERY REFRESHING to not have to defend myself against a bashing of hate mail or comments. Thank YOU ALL!

My only child, my son, just graduated college and took a great job. What does that mean? Well, that's what I've been wondering for the past 2 years. I left home when I was 17, had my son when I was 19, left his father when I was 20, then raised my son by myself for the next 18 years. I've never been close to my parents, had no brothers and sisters, so my whole life and identity has been defined by his existence. I've lived each day to be there for him (like my parents never were for me), provide food and shelter, teach him right from wrong, help him make decisions, etc. Well, he turned out to be one heck of a fine young man, but I noticed around 2-3 years ago that he really no longer needs me. I started wondering what exactly will I do with my life once he leaves home? I remember when I was younger, I had a thousand things I wanted to do if I only had "free time" to spare, yet now that I do, I'm no longer that person. I have no desire to do any of the things I once thought about. I've started asking myself, who, exactly, am I? And the answer always come back - "I have NO IDEA!" HAHA! I haven't had a life to myself since I was 18 years old, and now that my life has been given back to me, I don't know who the hell I am! This is troubling indeed.....so I suppose I must go on that journey that people always talk about and "FIND MYSELF!" Who knows what will happen...maybe I'll run for president or maybe I'll wind up in the funny papers....

Okay, I'm a Christian! That doesn't mean I'm a hypocrite. A hypocrite is anyone who tells you to do, or not to do, something they themselves don't live up to. I never ask or expect anybody to do something I don't live up to myself. And, hey, if you choose to live or think differently than me, that's okay. I will never force you to be something you don't want to be. I know there's a lot of people out there that give Christians a bad name, but let me tell you something...all that flies under a Christian flag is NOT Christian. An "authentic" Christian does not JUDGE, but shares (WHEN INVITED) what God expects from us. If you don't agree, or don't want to hear it, you should be able to politely say "no thanks," and that Christian should respect your wishes. But just so you know, though their words may come off as judgmental or hypocritical, if they are a true Christian, it is genuine love for you - not hypocrosy - that they speak to you. Anyway, don't let the Christian label stop you from giving a person a fair chance to win your friendship, because the tolerance you're asking for in your beliefs is the same tolerance a Christian is asking for. The character of a person is not in the "label" (for anyone can SAY they are a "Christian"), but in the state of their heart (be it good or bad). Let THAT be what makes up your mind.

Until next time........